Thoughts from the Coach:
Thank you for sharing your experience. As a cam model myself for over 3.5 years, I too have felt this way. I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey. Navigating the intricacies of maintaining separate identities (personal and professional), balancing societal expectations, and grappling with internal conflicts that can arise as a sex worker is no small feat.
It’s important to note that the decision to be public or anonymous about our work is a deeply personal one, influenced by a myriad of factors including societal norms, legal considerations, and personal values. It is a reminder that every individual's journey is unique, and our choices deserve respect and understanding.
The concept of leading a 'double life' can sometimes evoke a sense of being out of sync with our true selves. From the secret sex worker who does not divulge their work to a single soul, to the famous cam model that’s on every social media site, our levels of openness vary greatly.
No matter where we fall on this spectrum, our quest to live authentically is shared. As human beings we also share an innate inclination towards connection and community.
As social creatures, feeling isolated goes against our natural instincts because we thrive on interaction, support, and belonging. So how can we feel more connected to others whilst navigating leading a ‘double life’?
Try Journaling : Our first step to authenticity is understanding the relationship we have with ourselves. Journaling serves as a valuable tool for nurturing our self-connection. It also provides a daily space for processing emotions, understanding ourselves, and recognizing moments of isolation to take proactive steps towards reaching out to those around us. Whether that's putting pen to paper, making notes on our phone or illustrating our experiences, we can experiment with what feels best for us.
Connect With Adult Industry Workers : Engaging and connecting with others within the adult industry creates an opportunity for daily offloading, sharing experiences, and realising the strength in solidarity. Online forums can be a great place to start, and can help us to find others in a similar situation. Connecting with fellow sex workers can also cultivate a sense of camaraderie, acting as virtual "work buddies" despite the independent nature of our work. There are also other online communities, support groups, and advocacy organisations offering a safe and empowering space to connect, share insights, and gain mutual learning and understanding.
Engage With Family & Friends : Having a social circle that doesn’t revolve around sex work can be a great way to ground ourselves from our experiences within adult work. We can do this by nurturing our existing connections with family & friends by ensuring we take time off for rest and social activities. If hitting the ‘off switch’ is something you struggle with, our one to one coaching could be for you.
Continue Making New Friends : Don’t be afraid to expand your social circle! If you feel uncomfortable sharing details with new acquaintances, craft a story that feels genuine and comfortable, drawing inspiration from past job roles or adjusting the description of your current work. Remember, most inquiries about our professions are out of politeness, rarely delving deeper. So, relax, mingle, and embrace making new connections without worry.
Prioritise Mental Health : Regardless of our chosen level of visibility, the emotional toll of leading a double life can be significant. We should therefore prioritise our mental health by seeking supportive communities, practising self-care, and developing coping strategies to manage stress and emotional challenges. Pineapple Support has some great resources on the topic of mental health.
Authentic Self-Care : Incorporate activities and practices into our life that help us reconnect with our authentic selves. This could include pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in activities that bring us joy outside of our professional identity.
Embrace Flexibility : Understand that our level of visibility might evolve over time. As we grow, our comfort and willingness to share aspects of our life may change. Embrace this fluidity and adjust our approach as needed.
Challenge Internalised Stigma : If we're struggling with feelings of shame or guilt related to your involvement in sex work, we can work on challenging those internalized stigmas. Recognize that our worth is not defined by our profession, and seek out affirming perspectives. We can also speak with sex work & shame professionals who can help us work through these feelings. In conclusion, by seeking out Adult Work communities, nurturing connections beyond our professional sphere, and prioritising self care we can navigate an authentic path with the support of others by our side.
If you’d like the chance to win our 3 month coaching package worth £350, fill in our well-being questionnaire here.
Well-being Coach Emma, Imperfectly You
Bio - Emma is a Cam Model & Well-being Coach for Adult Industry Workers. She empowers Adult Performers to reclaim control of their well-being to boost their motivation and feel energised doing the work they do!
